John Ashcroft came to my school last night and was a total asshole. We were warned not to be too disruptive, and for the most part we weren't, but there was a nice protest, and he just got red in the face and yelled a lot.

Other than that, not a lot going on.

mood: aggravated

The end of spring break. It's sad. Really. Possibly for the first time ever.

I went to Nashville to see Bunny. And had such a wonderful time. Her friends were so nice and welcoming and sweet, and we ate a lot of good food, and I got to see her gorgeous campus. It was lovely. They have so many trees there! And everything was so green and the weather so nice.

And now, I'm off to Knox. To begin a term of hell. Why hell? I'm taking Astronomy. Which is a moderately tough physics course. And stats for Poli Sci kids. And Philosophies of Feminism with a professor who truly hates me. Phonathon will be in full swing, which I enjoy, but takes up time.

There are also fun things: I got 2 A's and a B+. Okay, 2 A-, but what the hell. And, the school is sending me to Washington D.C. for the weekend in May to hob-nob with all the swanky fabulous Trustee peoples. I am excited. Also, my brother's play is in April and Erica, Crisanda, Jordan and Glo are going with me, so that will be fun. And then, HANSON. Yes. Hanson.

On the downside, I'm pretty sure I need glasses.

location: Home mood: awake music: ABBA Gold.

I'M AN RA. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

I got the RA position. I'm so very excited!!!

And now, on to the more dreary topic of homework. Back to the list.

I have a midterm tomorrow and a paper due tuesday. And that will SUCK. But then on Friday, Crisanda and I are going home with Jordan, which will be FUN FUN FUN.

and then the next week is Bunny's spring break, and she will come up!!!!!!

and then finals. Bleh.

and then Spring Break and NASHVILLE!!!!!

mood: cheerful music: The Spice Girls

Crisanda says I only talk about my homework. So no, I'm not going to talk about my homework. Today lunch looks good, which always brightens my day a little bit. It snowed again, but I was very nice and asked the snow to please stop before Galesburg issues a snow emergency (basically, anything over an inch), so that I wouldn't have to dig out my car and move it to a parking lot. And the snow was nice and stopped. So it's nice to know that I can communicate with the weather.
Also, I have decided that I will get the R.A. position, and if I do not, I now have a roomate to live with. Whew.
and, most importantly, LAURA and KIRI are coming to visit me. Laura for sure, Kiri for maybe I think? Anyway, I am EXCITED. Hopefully the weather will be nice, and we can all hang and braid each other's hair and stuff. I haven't seen Kiri in SOOOOOOOO long, and I cannot WAIT to see her.
And Obama won Wisconsin and Hawaii, which makes me happy.
It's freezing here. Super, hurt - your - lungs - when - you -breathe - COLD. But it is Wednesday, which means that it is halfway through the week. Yay!

location: Advancement Office mood: chipper music: Girlfriend by Avril

MADELINE ALBRIGHT is going to be the Commencement speaker at Knox this year. I am SO excited. The rumor was that it would be Ellen, but I am thrilled with Madeline. I've always respected her so much, so this is so cool for me.

I have a ridiculous amount of work to do in the next two weeks. I have a paper due on Tuesday for Contemporary Foreign Policy. It's on Reagan and the end of the Cold War. Then, next mondy, the 25th, I have an exam for Comparative Politics. The next day, I have another paper due in Contemp. Last time, the Contemp paper was due on a Tuesday, and the exam was on a Friday. And it was awful with only those three days between. I'm going to have to haul ass.
So. The To-Do List:

1. Read Kissinger Chapters 30 and 31 (About 70 pages)
2. Read Ambrose Chapters 15 and 16
3. Write a paper 4 -5 pages.
4. Read a journal for Comparative Politics
5. Read the book on Chile for Comparative Politics
6. Go into the ceramics studio and lay out 6 slabs, and make 4 bowls and a cup.
7. E-mail the Law Office in Bloomington I interviewed with before I left for the term.
8. Begin work on my slabwork project in Ceramics.
9. Clean up my side of the room, because it is a COMPLETE mess. Poor Glo.

That should do it. All in all, it isn't a bad workload. Just needs organization.

There are 2 bright sides.

1. OBAMA is winning!
2. MADELINE ALBRIGHT is coming to my school!!!!

mood: determined music: Paperweight, by Josh Radin

This week is blessedly boring. Kind of.

In Sulett's Class on Tuesday, I have a quiz. On the last quiz, she gave me a 1/4 of a point because I wrote "Ronald Reagan won the Cold War". I guess it's true. I'm willing to trade my soul for a 1/4 of a point.
Wednesday I have my individual R.A. interview- wish me luck, please!
That's all that really matters. Except, I need to catch up on reading for Kampwirth. I'm quite behind: 1 week, actually. And I might have an exam a week from Friday. So if I start reading hardcore on Tuesday evening, I may be caught up by this Friday? Maybe?
Thursday is also Valentines Day, so Crisanda and I are going out. Yay for going out!

Glo's play was this weekend. She was awesome. It was funny. Her parents came to visit and were also awesome.

Last night I took 4 Benadryl because I was around cats, but I wasn't reading the bottle closely and didn't realize the dosage was only 2.I was a little loopy.

location: Advancement Office music: Ben Folds, Rockin' the Suburbs

Oh Friday! Today I have a lecture in Comparative Politics on women in Chile, or something to that effect. I wasn't feeling well, so I didn't go on Wednesday. After my class, I'm going to take a nap, then have dinner, then go to see Glo in her play, which is tonight and tomorrow. Then, Crisanda and I will probably watch a movie, there will be cuddling. This weekend, I have a LOT of work to do. LOTS and LOTS of Kissinger to read.

R.A. individual interviews are next week, and we find out the following week if we made it or not. Chances are not, which will be devastating. Bleh.

There is a horrible, nasty, terrible virus running around campus. It is a mix of mono, the flu, and strep throat, and the health center has no cure. I kid you not. I've made several trips to the quads with get well baskets (we stole a shopping basket from Hy-Vee), that were stocked with soup (which I made), and all kinds of that good stuff.

Happy Friday!

music: Westlife

It's amazing how homework mounts up. Even when you're not blowing it off, and are actively trying to be productive.

I haven't felt this awful since last winter. When things with Crisanda were so bad. Right now, things with Crisanda are the only things that are good.

I have a midterm on Friday.

I'm not prepared. I'm trying to be prepared.

My mom was in the hospital yesterday because there are new tumors that are making her in pain.

I miss thai food. I miss being not stressed. I miss not smelling like clay. I miss not feeling constantly exhausted.

I miss my friends. A lot.

I miss having my own room.

I miss not being depressing.

I'm sorry.

location: Casa de Quickie mood: depressed music: Pride and Prejudice soundtrack

And so. The week is half over, and next week is midterms. Both these facts are alarming. BUT, after many hours in the library over the past 3 days, I'm only 150 pages behind for Kampwirth, and am not terribly behind for Sulett. Although, I have the Sulett paper due on Tuesday (as per usual) and my midterm for Kampwirth due Friday (Extremely Terrifying). Also, tomorrow we start throwing in ceramics. I admit I'm quite excited to work with the wheel; but I'll probably be terrible at it. But messy and fun.
Things to do Tomorrow:
1. Catch up completely with Kamwirth
2. Finish up all reading in Kissinger and Ambrose for Sulett.
3. COMPLETE my R.A. Application
4. Call the mechanic to schedule an oil change/air filter replacement.
5. Vaccum the room
6. Pick up the Free copy of An Inconvenient Truth they are giving away at Old Main.
7. Make a schedule for the weekend workload.

mood: cold

Today is Friday! I'm rather excited. Tomorrow, Saturday night, I'm babysitting for Brian. So little Kennedy and Emma and I will have a fun evening, probably filled with Hannah Montana and High School Musical. Also, Crisanda is going with me. So it'll be a fun time.

Unfortunately, the rest of the week didn't go so well. I got a B+ on my Hulett paper. Which, for Sue, is a good grade. I was, however, a little disappointed. Maybe it wasn't an A paper, but her conservative views are a little much sometimes. Also, my other class with the liberal teacher? Not going so well. I can't warm to her. It just isn't happening. Which is severely sad.

Ceramics is also hitting me hard. I am NOT an artist. Everybody knows this. And yet, I am playing with clay. Which can be fun, but also hugely time consuming. The good news is that work is going very well. Brian is an awesome boss, even though sometimes we talk so much we don't get any work done.

And, to top it off, Glo was sick this week, (Crisanda was sick last week), and I feel bad for her. Unhappy Glo. We were supposed to go for thai food tonight in Peoria, but probably not since she's not feeling well. Maybe another time.

Things to do this week:

1. Fill out R.A. applications
2. Catch up on the 300 pages I'm behind in Kampwirth's class
3. Read the 3 Kissinger Chapters for Hulett
4. Write a paper on the 3 Kissinger Chapters/ The Korean War.
5. Make an 18 Inch slab sculpture and 3 small sculptures in Ceramics
6. Begin working on internship applications for this summer.

Have a lovely weekend!

mood: contemplative

I have decided, for the numerous-th time, to actually post on this. When I'm happy, as well as depressed.

And right now I'm somewhere in the middle. Personally at school things are fabulous. I love my roomate. Crisanda is across the hall and that's happiness as well. And all my friends are just all around fantastic.

Academically, things are also fabulous. I made the Dean's list. Straight A's - okay, 1 A, 2 A minus'- but A's none the less. And one of those classes was haaaard. And now, my classes are;

Poli Sci 315 American Foreign Policy ( Professor Hulett)
Poli Sci 220 Comparative Politics ( Professor Kampwrith)
Art 116 Ceramics I

Professor Hulett believes Reagan won the Cold War, and Professor Kamwirth is so liberal it's encouraging to be around her. But I do love Hulett so very much. Erica Jaffe took a picture with Sue the dinosaur in Chicago and will send it to Hulett since her first name is Sue. And as much as it is kicking my ass already, I'm happy to be back at school and working and writing.

Also, I got a new desk. Not in my room, but at work. My boss had me sitting at this little table in his office, but we went to the Knox Warehouse and I got to pick the desk and chair I wanted. The desk is heavy wood with big wooden drawers, and the chair is HUGE, with a high back which ends up being taller than my head when I sit, and is a disgusting color of salmon pink. I love it.

But I miss my mommy. I wish I'd spent more time with her when I was home for the 6 weeks of break. But she was always so exhausted, and then I worked so much, and then half the population of India came to visit. And sometimes, i just don't know what to say to her. She's almost always not feelign well, side effect of chemotherapy. And while I always go to her chemo sessions if I can, and am SO SO SO proud of her, I just want my mom the way I left her when I went to college last year.

mood: busy

Tonight is Sunday night, and I leave for school on Tuesday. So, maybe it's time to do a review of spring break?

Naturally, the highlights were seeing people. Seeing ReAnne, even for the brief time it was, was spectacular. I've missed her so much, but tonight I think I miss her even more than I did on Wednesday before I saw her. Seeing Laura and Kiri was also wonderful, I love that we've grown up and survived together and we can still get togethe and smile and laugh and enjoy life. Supposedly, I'm seeing Sarah tomorow, so I'll enjoy that, I'm sure. But this isn't a happy post, I think. Life is off right now.

I don't want to go back to Knox. I'm thinking back, and I realize now that I ruined everything with one night. Not even one night. Maybe half an hour, forty-five minutes. I may have ruined the next three years in that short amount of time. So....no. I don't want to go back.

Of course it has to do with the Knox girls. I used to think they were my saving, but now with Joy gone to Texas, things are going to be different. Very different. It makes me happy that I did all that work in applying to Grinnell and Drake. And if things get really bad, then yes, I might even consider ISU.

Once again, the ground has caved. And all I want to do is cry and cry and cry, and think that when I'm done, everything will be alright. I hate being emo. It isn't who I am. I wasn't made to be an unhappy person. Which is why I'm super happy that I'm a Knox Ambassador, and that Brian Gawor gave me a job. And my courseload is hard. Three brilliant distractions. It's time for a change. I'm abandoning ship. It's what I do best, isn't it?

mood: distressed

Lots to think, nothing to say. I'm still at home. Still on Spring Break. I pretty much do nothing but sleep and work out and drink water since there's not much else in the house. Kieran and I watch movies sometimes, and I'm reading a lot. But I'm excited to get back to school. I can't wait to take American National Government (Yay! Politics!) and Philosophies of Feminism (Yay! Feminism!) and maybe get French out of the way forever. I think it's going to be a changing term. I'm going to be spending lots and lots of time in the library, do all my reading and homework, and really concentrate on school. Also, I hope to go to the gym every day and at least eliptycal for half an hour. That would be nice. So it's looking like a lot of Oak Room take out to eat back in my room. I have a rocking awsome schedule: Class from 8 to 10:30 on M/W/F and class from 9-10:30, then 1-2:30 on T, TH. Yes. It sounds like a good plan. I'm going to keep the room clean and do my laundry every 2 weeks and wash my sheets every 2 weeks and keep all the dishes clean and do lots of productive things every day of the week. And on Saturday's, I'm resolved to get up before noon, and spend 12-4 in the library at least putting some effort into my education. And Sunday the same thing. Then I can hang out or whatnot on Friday and Saturday night and spend Sunday nights preparing for the week. So. my schedules for the week as follows:

M; class until 10:30, lunch at 11, Study at the Library from 12-3, Din Din at 5, study at 6, bed at 10:30

T: Class done at 2:30, Study at the Library from 3 to 4:30, work with B-Gawor from 5-9, Bed at 10:30

W: Same as Monday

Th: Class done at 2:30, Study at the Library from 3 to 4:30, Din Din at 5, study at 6, Grey's Anatomy at 8, Bed at 10;30

F: Class done at 10:30, Library all afternoon if possible, then take a break for the evening.

And now you know my schedule and I'm going to try super hard to stay with it. I have to go to bed or I'll never get up for American National Government at 8 am. Which is ridiculous, since I was at school every day at 7 from Sophomore year on. Which, essentially, I am reverting back to my high school career of being Suzy High School...Suzy College. I got asked to be a Knox Ambassador, and I'm working with Brian once a week, and I'm confidant it's going to be a good third term. Yay. Leave me love!

mood: determined

So. Today is Sunday, and my spring break is this week. I have very little that I actually want to accomplish. There's a large list of movies that I intend to see, and hopefully I can put a dent in that. I also anticipate spending massive amounts of time at Borders, reading on subjects that I know little about. Also, missing my girls from Knox: Crisanda, Gloria, Joy (who won't return), Kathy, Jordan and Cindy. And Bunny, who is back at Vanderbilt as of this morning. But, I have my SIU girls; Laura and Kiri home for the week, and I'm going to UofI to see Sarah for lunch sometime.

Mostly the week will consist of my perusing the Self Help section at Borders, trying desperately to understand why I do what I do. I 'll wear chucks, and take notes and wear minimal make up and drink iced coffee and feel like a true college student/hippie/emo person. Last night I had dinner with Laura and Gavin, and I really enjoyed hanging out with both of them. Gavin is delightful and so good with Laura, and he seems to be thoughtful and full of insights.

We talked for a little bit about my new theory on life, which is that I'm not designed to be with another person emotionally. I'm mostly fine being sexual with Crisanda, but the moment that high wears off, it's like doubt just creeps in until I'm cold with it.

The weather is nice, though. So that's good.

mood: creative

I used to think that breaking things off with Christie was the hardest time I've ever gone through. I really believed that it hurt my heart. And then you grow up and you go to college and you meet new people and you find out that other things can hurt your heart. And you learn that love isn't easy and people aren't perfect and you can't tell the closest people in your life what you really need to.

I feel broken. I feel like I was cut in two. Literally. And more than anything else in the world, I need my friends. I need Bunny like an injured person needs an IV. I'm not even kidding. I need her right now. I need Kiri and Laura and Sarah, and I feel like I'm lost and cut off and I want them here so much. I feel like such a drama queen, but I don't know that I've felt this bad in years, not even during the whole college debacle, not when ReAnne left for the summer, not even when the thing with Christie blew up. This is worse.

Crisanda was worth so much more to me, and now it's down the drain.

I used to be so worried about where I'd end up, what I would do. Funnily enough, I now believe that it'll take care of itself. I really honest to god do. I mean, obviously I'll have to work hard, but it'll be okay. And if not, then I can always come back to Knox and work in the Office of Advancement. I'm good at raising money for the college. Or I'll just save my parents 30,000$ and go to ISU. Much less expensive, my room at home, and tons of time on my hands. That's not really practical, I suppose. Maybe I should have gone to Smith though. Or Trinity, Lawrence, Drake. You name it, I applied.

I feel trapped. Trapped inside my own thoughts, to echo the name of this blog. My imagination used to be my escape, and now it's my prison. Kiri, I'm up for anything over break. You name it, I'll try it. I'm not so stingy anymore. I can get my hands (and soul) dirty. especially if it means forgetting.

Love.

mood: crushed

I am tired. Very tired. I think I have a problem sleeping, because no matter how much sleep I get I am continually tired. Crisanda says I can't say things like "I'm just tired" anymore. Because I am always:
1. Tired
2. Hungry

There's something for number three, but I can't really remember at this precise moment. It's just before 1 on wednesday afternoon, which means that Crisanda and Gloria's radio show is almsot on, at 1:15. That's a happy thought. They play delightfully awful music- lots of pop and boy bands and it reminds me of happy times. Not happier times so much, just happy.

I've been doing a lot of hanging out in my room this week. Crisanda comes over, which hasn't happened in several weeks, and we just lay around and do absolutely nothing. It's delightful. Well, she's a good person and does her french homework, but I do very little other than continue to vex her. Now, with the term almost over, I'm excited to take a tiny break, then start the new term. I love fresh starts. There's nothing better in the world. I've taken to heart Scarlett O'Hara's motto: Tomorrow is another day. Maybe inside I'm just a Southern Belle. Hmm. That's food for thought.

mood: complacent

Well, I supppose events have more or less recovered themselves. Life is slowly getting better. And, I got a B on my midterm in East Asian Civilization. Which is an amazing grade considering that I know absolutely nothing in that class. French is still sucking, but I might have done well on the Oral Exam this morning. Women's Studies, is, as usual, fantastic and amazing and interesting, and I wish I could have her as my teacher/best friend for the rest of my life.

The week after next is spring break for me, but Bunny's is next week. I'm trying to get home on Thursday so we can enjoy several days together before she has to return to the institution that is Vanderbilt University. It'll be nice to see all the girls again, although Sarah doesn't have her break for several weeks. Maybe I'll drive down to see her. I'm not completely terrified of driving on the interstate anymore. Not completely, that is. Anyway. I haven't seen Will, Laurel, or Fred in ages and ages, and that's a sad thought. Or Paige. But that's even sadder, since she no longer lives in Illinois as a resident with her parents. She has since relocated to Denver, Co.

I need things to do during spring break. Ideas, anyone???

location: my Room, Knox College mood: cold music: Opera

Sometimes I miss high school. I miss worrying about where I was going to end up and stressing over application deadlines and Mrs. Clesson's vocab tests. I mean, if I could have the knowledge I have now and go back, it would be fine. It just seemes so silly now, looking back.
To avoid making this another depressing post, I'm going to compose lists:

Things I love:

Spring
Fall
Straightened Hair
Sunshine
New Socks
Stars
bubble-gum pink nail polish
Ode to Joy (the choral version)
Cheesy romance novels
Friends
Books
Bookstores when I don't have to work
Laughter
Split your face grins
poetry

mood: contemplative

I am back. After a long absence, I have promised myself that I will update often, even if nobody reads this. And I will. Right afte I see the Vagina Monologues tonight.

Ground Rules: The first player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 Guilty Pleasures" and people who get tagged need to write an LJ entry about their 5 Guilty Pleasures as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names

1. Grey's Anatomy
2. James Franco
3. Myspace
4. Imogen Heap
5. photography

1. Gin
2. Sarah
3. Manny
4. Denise
5. Clara